omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Screwed.edu
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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