just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
