So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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