My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
