my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
