Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
