I'm eating all of the evidence.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
