There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this boner is exhausting
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
