Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I did not marry a roomba.
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