It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
