Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
