My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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