Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
