i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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