i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk is a universal language darling
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