he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
