At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
babies were throwing up all over the place
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
