Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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