Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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