dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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