Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
