Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You brought string cheese to the strip club
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
