Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
