Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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