you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
