I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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