Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
