The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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