i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
