i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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