Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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