If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
