I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
