im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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