i'm signing you up for texting rehab
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
