apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
try to milk me bitch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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