"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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