He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A+ Viking dick
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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