I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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