k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
