I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
