you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
