just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
