dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
