This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
