Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
