Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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