your parents love me but you hate me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
