matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sorry my hands just texted you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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