Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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