Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to sanitize my soul.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
