she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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