i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
