I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
