No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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