Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
