Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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