I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
