its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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