it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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