I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
