i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
