and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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