Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
