Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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