my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
