Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
