There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
