are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
